I would like to go deeper into this subject. Especially because I am so full-on into this. It's very important to sort this out...
There are different kinds of panema I guess. It's a word that bundles a collection of different afflictions and conditions. Physical sickness is the most profound and easy to address. Next there is a kind of emotional/ mental panema as grief, depression, shame & guilt and hardheaded thoughtpatterns.
Then there's a kind of spiritual panema. That's the one I would like to address here, in this post. It's the one that feels like I'm dealing with it most. People so often tell me just think positive and be happy - it'll all be okay. But the thing is that some things just happen, whatever you think or believe. The real is raw and doesn't conform to pretty thoughts and desires.
My guess is that there are two kinds of decisions that are being made by you: The conscious and unconscious one's. You bear responsibiltity for both. But you can only be blamed for the conscious one's.
Some people are just dumb lucky bastards. They just have to walk somewhere and boom there's a pot of gold waiting for them. The opposite of this is that you walk into a pile of shit, whatever you think or want to do. These are unconscious decisions.
What I want to say is that whatever people may believe, living in the 21th century, there are still people who are being attacked every day by this kind of panema. They didn't ask for it, nor are they guilty of something for they are being punished.
I have come to believe that it is the collective ignorance of humanity that creates these 'clouds of hungry ghosts, damned souls that have no rest and remember'. They come to some, whatever they are being chosen for.
It wouldn't be such a big deal if the general populacy would take some responsibility for their actions, but since they don't - someone must take the consequences. And that's how spiritual panema becomes agony beyond words.
If you are under attack from it day in, night out, you'll learn to fight.... and to accept as it is. There's no escaping it, just facing it and hope of belief it won't kill you - only make you stronger.
Sometimes I see a bigger picture and a way that it will work out. The one thing it already has done to me, or for me, is that I am no longer capable of taking part of this society we live in, at least not in the ignorant way. My eyes will never shut again from the raping we've done to this earth. I would rather die in agony than live the sweet bliss of ignorance that is so forced up your throat these days...
Man... I feel like an old man at times. I often speak to my last grandmother about it. It's in the family so to say. I work with that. By asking the right questions I adress the unconscious and engage it in sorting out. That is my weapon besides Kambo here.
