To find some balance would be a great in this. The way I look at my own posting: Have to detach myself from whatever attachment or aversion I feel.
Reality is as real you make it. Life on this plane is suffering at the core. Suffering to come is what can be avoided by detaching oneself. Primarely from the way you see things for real (or not).
The shaman laid out four ancestors along the compass directions. 4 directions for the forces of the natural world and 4 representing the forces of the human world. Those 4 human were linked to both pair of grandparents.
The guy had skill and I noticed that when he wrote their names on a paper and asked me to pay attention to one of them, I could feel very detailed their influence (I recognized patterns and differentiated feelings). The males were not a problem, but they made me a bit nauseaus. The women however made me feel very bad, each in their own way.
Anyway the guy had advice too: Strenghten the point under the navel with breathing... And get away from those ancestors.
I can make an effort to create my own reality. Deep down subconscious motives do guide the decisions that are being made (by me). These motives will have to reveal them, but they carry load, a burden.
It's like conscious me is playing life as a play on a stage and behind the curtain props and stuff have to be prepared for certain acts on the stage. But behind the screen they (ie subconscious) won't cooperate. So on the stage the play is hampering all the time, when an act is finished the next won't come. So I as the performer have am in need of skill to keep things going.
To blame the subconscious is no go. It's all the mind that makes it real. So I am my own delusion. But I feel a need for basic human relationships despite the way things keep getting in the way of this.
