So I'm continuing this journal. It's were I like to post some experiences. There is remarkable development in the whole process I'm describing here. When I started it was like a nightmarish mystery concerning how on earth things could go the way they went. Now I'm feeling I entered the center of the whole complex and am adressing issues that concern something very holistic, namely the connections between inner and outer, yourself and others etc.
At first I saw a mystery that was dark and impenetrable. It brought bizarre conincidences that reinforced a loop of negativity. The real damage was done here and too it laid the foundation for a neccesity to overcome it. I actually met someone whom I now know has been gone something similar. The guy spent whole his life running behind chances but always missing them, being denied the chance to fulfill himself. Not understanding how or why, just being confronted by something that's more or less like a gameplay with someone infinitely smarter without any compassion.
Anyway for me, through persistant practice it came to a realization of surrounding factors before adressing the core.
First of the make-up of the various traits from ancestors that combined into something more than their individual traits, but becoming a vexation because of the uncompatability with life. Sorry for the vagueness here, but I'm trying to tell how some traits combine in such a way that the negative aspects of them weigh very heavy and need a lot of character development to become managable.
Second the innate load of guilt and other unadressed issues because of ancestral trauma's. Stuff that for generations wasn't talked about and due to the first point I stated, were brought up in full. In fact it was trough a lucky conincidence that I finally found out that in one branch of my familiy there was a serious skeleton in the closet.
Third a lack of connections with the world and life itself. Possibly due to the two previous factors, maybe that unconsciously or maybe conscious, people notice the somewhat unlucky dispostions and avoid them. So being neglected in terms of affection and missing the opportunities to develop relationships. Basically becoming a loner.
Then the last, fourth, is not receiving adequate 'education' concerning how to deal with these issues. Just noticing that people are not up to helping you. Having to invent the wheel all by yourself.
Now these were things that pointed to various factors that surround the center of selve. Once you manage to get past the surroundings, then the real work can begin.
Basically I found out that there was feeling and thought there, a lot of feelings that got stuck because the surroundings brought so many deviations. Also not understanding that the surroundings are not the center.
I just recently managed to penetrate this deep and I can tell you that to get there required a certain maturity. From then till now I have been going through a lot of stale emotions and their thought patterns. All these had to be released. Mostly through deep breathing. Just feeling what's there and breathing deeply. No purge could help with that, in the end you can't escape your own feeligns. Though I wanted to do just that, it's not that much fun to be confronted with the stuff that's there.
Anyway this is the introduction
. I was going to tell that for weeks I've been living toward a Kambo purge and had a very specific application in mind. Namely to cure a issue with a joint. One that has been very painful for 3 years now and won't go away. Yesterday I put on 8 dots right on the spot, with the intention to clear the emotional debris that is stored around it. Somehow this was right on. I drank 2 liters and with the first dot being Kambo'd I felt it come. Just when the last dot was done I started to puke real hard. First clean water, then green bile followed by yellow and deep orange bile. Continued till there was no liquid left in my stomach. I sweated like a shower. And my lips, throat and face got swollen. Got heat everywhere and having it cold at the same time. First time I ever has this kind of purge, before I had sweat and some swelling but never like this or yellow/ orange bile.
I'm to believe this was right on the spot. A lot came out and though I planned to do at least 2 purges, but I couldn't get anything past my throat after this one. So one it was, but a real good one...
