Author Topic: Journey to find some healing  (Read 7775 times)

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Offline n3ur0h@ck

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Journey to find some healing
« on: October 08, 2013, 09:46:01 AM »
Hello people, I've been on this forum before and am trying to find some help and or advice. I'm in the middle of a very deep process and have a lot of trouble with it. Doing Kambo is part of the treatment, but there's a lot more and I got the feeling I might find some people here who have gone through similar ordeals or are facing them right now.

Basically I can't ground. It's from the physical level up. My joints won't fit that well and in time this has created a twist in my body and get's worse all the time. I'm in pain from the moment I arise each day till I go to sleep. Each time I adjust my body to find some relief I'm only making it worse. This then causes the not being able to ground. The problem has been with me since birth, it's embedded in my genes.

On other levels things get stuck all the time. To be plainly blunt, I've never been able to achieve anything wordly and am always struggling to keep my head above the waves. Just like when I try to find relief for my body it makes it worse, so to on the other levels: each time I try to find a way to get out or over it, things get worse.  Also there is something vexing about all this: each time I find some healer that can do something, getting there proves an ordeal itself. Somehow I have a knack for choosing my path so that it always present unexpected obstacles that prevent from getting there. It's only with the utmost effort I am able to make it - sometimes -. So I feel healing is not really granted, but I don't understand why.

When I let it be and take the pain it's so overwhelming I will make it worse as well. The only relief I have is keep moving on all levels. This has exhausted me so much that right now my body won't even heal itself anymore. It's partly due to this vexing: I am never in peace at home, neighbours, insects, heavy construction - you name it. For years the one succeeded the other and right now for the first time I am having a month of rest. But after this month a new construction project will start and this will mean heavy drills and the like. Meanwhile I can't find a place to go... So problems have been stacking over the years and right I now it's black/ white: either I find a way or perish.

So I do my own kambo treatments and what else. I prefer it this way. My experience with group sessions, like ayahuasca have been such torments. The time that I still feel every day is the one I attended an amazonian shaman and experienced so much pain, but at the same time couldn't cry out anymore or call for help. For 8 hours straight I laid contorting and moaning, no one even took a look. So I rather do my own sessions, however I feel like this won't help me either.

I am in urgent need I feel and well am going to post some things here in the hope to find some help or advice.

Right now I have a question: there is a spot on my left shoulder, slightly below the blade near the spine, where the muscles have hardened and these need to be loosened. Is kambo an option there?

Offline Kambogahuasca Panacea

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2013, 10:24:50 AM »
I would apply the Kambo both on the area where you have pain and the meridian points associated with the area.  Equal amounts preferably balancing both hemispheres of the body left and right.

Weird things happen on forums that I belong, recently on the Ayahuasca forum this herb was recommended as the superior remedy for aches and pains...

http://www.rain-tree.com/anamu.htm#.UlQU0_nSpQE

Much love and blessings macaco, it's the journey not the end result a good reminder, what seems like dead ends are sometimes forks that will lead to unfolding in a brighter way.  I try to remember. 

Offline lightswitchedon

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2013, 11:06:15 AM »
Macaco,

The fact that you haven't thrown in the towel or adopted a total victim mentality speaks volumes.  Kambo is an incredible substance and it may provide relief, or at least remove that seemingly fated obstruction to the path of healing.  I hope the best for you.

Kampum,

That herb sounds interesting; I may have to check it out for myself.

You said:
"it's the journey not the end result a good reminder, what seems like dead ends are sometimes forks that will lead to unfolding in a brighter way."

My experience has shown this to be so very true.

Offline n3ur0h@ck

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2013, 09:15:25 AM »
I would apply the Kambo both on the area where you have pain and the meridian points associated with the area.  Equal amounts preferably balancing both hemispheres of the body left and right.

How about the dosage... the area is close to the heart, and I haven't applied it except arms and legs. So how about that, or isn't it going to be a problem (no history of heart problems)?

Quote from: lightswitchedon
The fact that you haven't thrown in the towel or adopted a total victim mentality speaks volumes.  Kambo is an incredible substance and it may provide relief, or at least remove that seemingly fated obstruction to the path of healing.  I hope the best for you.

Thank for the support. Some days I can handle it better that others. There were times when it almost had me down the pit of despair. Also things have changed on how I view the process through time. Been looking into this from a lot of viewpoints. Little by little pieces came and puzzling it together is still going on.

Recently I visited a healer, a long way from home, but this time I found someone who had the skill, knowledge and insight to provide me with a reasonable diagnosis.
Before that I had little pieces making it a fragmented diagnosis. Like ripples on a water surfaces, I had to work from outside inward. Have to let things open a bit, thinking you know something is recipe for delusion, but right now I feel like getting somewhere.

And it's the journey, yes it is - how uncomfortably it may be. I guess there are lots of people with similar problems, maybe they can live with them without even noticing. I don't know, just knowing that I'm not going through this for nothing. It will provide an outcome one of these days, every day I feel stronger about that. But I have to say I never imagined that 'as above as below' could be such an -well- iron law. Nor that reality weaves the inner and outer so tightly together.

I'm going to check the herb when I get the chance.

Offline n3ur0h@ck

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2013, 08:02:38 AM »
Last weekend I did 2 kambo sessions after each other. Due to it being new moon and this thing called mercury retrogade I took it easy. However the feeling was there to do it, so I did not postpone.

First sessions I took 5 dots. The stick I used proved to get me on the verge of bile purge with only 3, so I reckoned 5 would be enough. To my surprise it was nice  :P it wasn't uncomfortable in any way though I did feel the kambo doing it's work. I realized that I wasn't going to puke so I just lied down and let it wear out. So I felt confident a second take was to be done.

Second take again 5 dots. I was almost puking of the load of water I drank, more than 2 liters. When the kambo kicked in it was much stronger than the first dose. However I stayed in the comfort zone, if there is any with kambo, it was just not enough to make me purge. I could feel the tingling sensation, heat and release of bile in the stomach. Even triggering vomiting with a finger in the throat didn't work. So I laid down again and let it wear out. There was the urge to go for a third time.

Though I felt very good. A little nausea because of the water, but that was all. Decided this was not the time to force it, since it being new moon and mercury retrogade. Better wait some 2 weeks and then do it again.

Between the two dosings I felt a lot of emotional turbulence of the past months. I kinda relived certain issues and they were removed. Interesting how feelings, tastes and smells came up connected with these issues.

Though kambo didn't set joints and ribs in their right position, it did tackle the emotional and mental aspects that those physical obstructions posed. As I posted earlier, I came to realize that problems in the body that create a vicious cycle also reflect on other levels.
So I am having a few ribs, vertabrates and the hips that have slight dislocations and combined they create a situation in wich pain is constantly generated. When I try to avoid the pain by way of positing the body this or that way, it get's worse cause the dislocations are being worsened. This pattern I came to see on almost all levels. It made me realize that very often I have to refrain from doing what seems natural, as is avoiding pain for example. When you are in a good cycle, just to name it, like kambo promotes, what you feel is good for you will further the cycle and strengthen it. On the other hand, if you're in a vicious cycle things that feel right are very often actually furthering and strenghtening that cycle. So to break it is very important.

The kind of problem with the body as base for a vicious cycle can be seen as a knot. A tight knot, not unlike a gordian knot. If you force it in any way it will tighten up more. So it has to be right, not too less and not too much. But also on the right moment etc.
The knot can have a physical base as well, for example I have this place behind one shoulder were the muscles have hardened because of the stress generated by the dislocated hip. The interaction of hip and shoulder furthers this hardening cause feeling it's painfulness all day is difficult, so the body adjusts and this adjusting makes it more tight.

Well I've simplified things for arguments sake. These matters are more related to feeling than thinking. But a strategy is needed so thinking it over has it's function. The process keeps going and positing new viewpoints almost every week.

« Last Edit: November 04, 2013, 08:05:47 AM by macaco »

Offline peacefull warrior

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2013, 08:59:01 AM »
amazing post macaco!

Offline n3ur0h@ck

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2013, 12:21:33 PM »
So to continue.... It's been a while since I last posted on this topic. Anyway I finally got my joints fixed and got a few lessons on how to feel what is allright for them. Setting the corkscrew in the back straight equals letting go of a habit to get into negative spirals. Though nothing lasts forever, this is a milestone that I feel for sure...

Anyway that cleared the way for, yes, kambo   ;D

Today I did a 2 times in a row.... and I had my first kambo patient as well. Couldn't be any better, I knew this person beforehand and also knew that it was going to be allright. She knew for herself how much was neccessary and had undergone it before.

First I did it myself. Applied it directly on my liver, because that had been hurting a few weeks now. Was having gall attacks, probably due to constipation in the liver. Very nasty and the treatment had to be directly on the organ itself. Drank 2 liters straight and set 7 large dots. It went almost perfect, agony in the beginning and then purging all those 2 liters plus yellow bile. Then relief and energy.

Next I applied it to my friend. Very thankful cause it was a first timer for me to do. It went allright. Had to add 2 dots during the purging and most of it came out. However she declined a second round, but instead opted for a yogic cleanse, which basically comes down to kambo without kambo. So she drank 2 liters, did some jumping and shaking and purged her stomach. Maybe purging like this is prelimenary to kambo, since it's a skill and takes some getting used to.

For the second round I wanted to have it on my back, on a sour place that I felt had to be the place. I had my friend do the burns and apply the kambo  :P. She did it very well, 8 dots, and I purged again. It was a heavy purge, but okay. Not too much nor too little. Was very happy when it was over. Again a knot tackled.

I feel that the thick of this process I've described here is past now. Yes there are going to be many itches and bumps to come, but the almost bizarre panema I've been through is over now. Hasta la vista!

Offline Marv

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2013, 03:25:21 PM »
Hi macaco I'm so happy to read that ! It seems you've got through a very hard time, I hope the worst is behind you... Bravo !

Offline n3ur0h@ck

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Re: Journey to find some healing
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2014, 09:09:58 AM »
So I'm continuing this journal. It's were I like to post some experiences. There is remarkable development in the whole process I'm describing here. When I started it was like a nightmarish mystery concerning how on earth things could go the way they went. Now I'm feeling I entered the center of the whole complex and am adressing issues that concern something very holistic, namely the connections between inner and outer, yourself and others etc.

At first I saw a mystery that was dark and impenetrable. It brought bizarre conincidences that reinforced a loop of negativity. The real damage was done here and too it laid the foundation for a neccesity to overcome it. I actually met someone whom I now know has been gone something similar. The guy spent whole his life running behind chances but always missing them, being denied the chance to fulfill himself. Not understanding how or why, just being confronted by something that's more or less like a gameplay with someone infinitely smarter without any compassion.

Anyway for me, through persistant practice it came to a realization of surrounding factors before adressing the core.

First of the make-up of the various traits from ancestors that combined into something more than their individual traits, but becoming a vexation because of the uncompatability with life. Sorry for the vagueness here, but I'm trying to tell how some traits combine in such a way that the negative aspects of them weigh very heavy and need a lot of character development to become managable.

Second the innate load of guilt and other unadressed issues because of ancestral trauma's. Stuff that for generations wasn't talked about and due to the first point I stated, were brought up in full. In fact it was trough a lucky conincidence that I finally found out that in one branch of my familiy there was a serious skeleton in the closet.

Third a lack of connections with the world and life itself. Possibly due to the two previous factors, maybe that unconsciously or maybe conscious, people notice the somewhat unlucky dispostions and avoid them. So being neglected in terms of affection and missing the opportunities to develop relationships. Basically becoming a loner.

Then the last, fourth, is not receiving adequate 'education' concerning how to deal with these issues. Just noticing that people are not up to helping you. Having to invent the wheel all by yourself.

Now these were things that pointed to various factors that surround the center of selve. Once you manage to get past the surroundings, then the real work can begin.

Basically I found out that there was feeling and thought there, a lot of feelings that got stuck because the surroundings brought so many deviations. Also not understanding that the surroundings are not the center.
I just recently managed to penetrate this deep and I can tell you that to get there required a certain maturity. From then till now I have been going through a lot of stale emotions and their thought patterns. All these had to be released. Mostly through deep breathing. Just feeling what's there and breathing deeply. No purge could help with that, in the end you can't escape your own feeligns. Though I wanted to do just that, it's not that much fun to be confronted with the stuff that's there.

Anyway this is the introduction  :P. I was going to tell that for weeks I've been living toward a Kambo purge and had a very specific application in mind. Namely to cure a issue with a joint. One that has been very painful for 3 years now and won't go away. Yesterday I put on 8 dots right on the spot, with the intention to clear the emotional debris that is stored around it. Somehow this was right on. I drank 2 liters and with the first dot being Kambo'd I felt it come. Just when the last dot was done I started to puke real hard. First clean water, then green bile followed by yellow and deep orange bile. Continued till there was no liquid left in my stomach. I sweated like a shower. And my lips, throat and face got swollen. Got heat everywhere and having it cold at the same time. First time I ever has this kind of purge, before I had sweat and some swelling but never like this or yellow/ orange bile.

I'm to believe this was right on the spot. A lot came out and though I planned to do at least 2 purges, but I couldn't get anything past my throat after this one. So one it was, but a real good one...