"fall down a thousand times, get up a thousand and one times" ~japanease proverb

[other1]

I'm a student (soon to be graduated) who loves ibogaine despite my bad experiences

This is some of my story:


I got pychosis after a conversation from a friend. I remember being alone in the city and feeling like I was in a void. I went to the hospitol and this started my relationship with the mental health system in new zealand

In order try and self medicate myself I went off my anti psychotics to take ibogaine. By not taking my meds I lost track of time, talked to myself and was generally a hazard.  After I took 1.6 gram of ibogaine it showed me my ego was like a pulsating choo choo train. It also showed me my ego was like jagged rocks, ibogaine pushed it down to soften the edges but when it lifted it hand the spikes returned.

The main goal of doing ibogaine was to help me interact with people and get me of my meds. After the ibogaine dose I was quite level headed even though I wasn't taking my medication. Although I would whisper to myself egotiscial bullshit.  Ibogaine brought my vanity to the surface.   THe phychologist asked me about the choo choo that was my ego 3 times, later I would understand why, he was reminding me of my ego. What was really cool was I could connect with people well. It would seem like fate was bringing people to me.

Then I made a epic blunder.  I had arranged a sitter to sit me in a cheap hotel room.  I took a flood dose (no kidding) one part of the trip I felt like a black corpse. Anouther part aliens were going to torture me. Anouther part ibogaine said it was going to kill me.

There was no afterglow after this experience, my confidence was shattered. My brain all over the places. I went to hospitol a broken person. If you play with fire your gonna get burnt. I have been diagnosed with scitzophrenia.  I'm fairly level headed and finishing my study. When I finish my study I'll see if my doctor can lower my meds until I can function without needing them.

I want to be connected and loving to the people around me and find that awesome girl to take care of. Ibogaine only showed me times I messed up with girls I am attracted to. It opened my heart but only showed me how I failed in hindsight.

I fear flood dose and don't want to lose my mind again. Flood dose didn't help me at all in fact it made me worse. 1.6gram was very effective

I am thinking of starting at 300mg ibo and raising it 100mg each month. But before that I am trying to clean my mind doing mindfulness. Staying mentally healthy will allow me to lower my medication without repercussions.

What about kambo though? I'm currently on ranitidine, clozapine and abilify

By the way the mental health system is pretty dahm good in new zealand.

[―λlτεrηιτγ-]

Welcome to the forum. If you don't feel a flood dose has helped you retrospectively I'd recommend approaching it more cautiously. Maybe after some time of building a relationship with it, a bigger dose will be more comfortable for you. Please be very cautious about mixing multiple pharmaceutical anti-depressant/anti-psychotics with ibogaine. Remember that these pharmaceuticals are helping your brain to work one way, and what ibogaine is doing maybe something in a totally different direction. This could maybe attribute to the shock you experienced. Even after going off them for awhile.  Try to ask yourself why you experienced the things you did on your flood, and what meaning they could have for your life.

For example death is a common theme with psychedelics. To feel as if you are dying or have died. This it seems, is to show us not to fear death. That existence is a series of deaths and rebirths. And when you let go and relax and give yourself and trust the medicine, usually it will all of a sudden become a very beautiful experience. So a lot of times the content of heavy psychedelic journeys can be quite dark.

Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your stay here and we hope to hear more from you.
Sending some love your way. 

[Jox]

Hi other1,

what comes to my mind is:

why don't you find a MD doctor who can work with Ibogaine too.  Is it legal in NZealand? If not then it may be a problem, but a psychiatrist who is not afraid to jeopardise his carrear is hard to find, or impossible... Just a thought.

Yet on the other hand I know how important medicine is for my friends with mental health problems I can see the confusion it may cause if you decide to drop it...

take care
Jox

[other1]

For example death is a common theme with psychedelics. To feel as if you are dying or have died. This it seems, is to show us not to fear death. That existence is a series of deaths and rebirths. And when you let go and relax and give yourself and trust the medicine, usually it will all of a sudden become a very beautiful experience. So a lot of times the content of heavy psychedelic journeys can be quite dark.

Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your stay here and we hope to hear more from you.
Sending some love your way. 

death?

I had super hyper militarized aliens telling me and my sitter they were going to come torture me for about 40 minutes. fun times

it felt like a parrallel universe had honed in on poor little me

[other1]

sorry, I didn' t mean to sound condescending its just torture is something I fear 1000 times more than death 

What kind of stick do I burn myself with?

How do I get "dots"

I'm on ranitidine, clozapine and abilify will this affect the treatment?

[―λlτεrηιτγ-]

lol sorry, I was trying to type up a response before running out the door to work.

[caiano]

Other1,
I don't know if Kambo could interact badly with the medications ( I suppose not).

The dots coul be  made easily with a incense stick, better if the diametre is around 2  mm.

I support you in this struggle against the ' monsters ' : but are they just only yours ? No! 

[other1]

what diameter do i want for the stick to burn with?

how much water for each "dot" or should i cover in saliva?

[Jox]

I prefer a piece of a branch for a tree, It gets red and lasts for long time, when bamboo stick burns too quickly, and the red area is too small.

The sieze should be 1/2 of the nail of your small finger... So bigger then you would think. It is easier to put the medicine on.

Make your medicine as watery as possible, this increase the absorption. Put the water on the bamboo stick for a some time without scraping, and then scrape it, it will come off easy, and then put some more water, mix it and then apply it...

Water, I don't know anything of saliva


Jox

[Kambogahuasca Panacea]

Personally I refrain from giving advice for someone with your condition.  I apologize for this, I just don't feel personally well enough equipped.  It could be a liability and I in no way shape or form want to take on such a responsibility when so many variables occur with a condition such as yours.  Sorry if this sounds in any way cold but as you know your condition is very complicated. 

Best,
KP

[other1]

With that in mind, I think I'll start with a 1mg instranasal and raise it by 1mg each week. Doing so will help me see if I have an allergy for the medicine.

Thanks